By Pusanisa Kamolnoratep (Meet) 

In October 2019, before the pandemic hit, I quit my job to visit beautiful countries and have a change from my work life, where I spent a lot of time in meetings and conference rooms in Bangkok and around Thailand. I felt joyful and energized to visit the art galleries in Milan, Italy to see colorful houses along the canals in Venice and the wonderful architecture and arts in Florence, and to listen to the sound of the river in Verona. I visited Tasmania in Australia, which I had not seen when I studied in Sydney two years earlier. 

A month later, Australia’s massive bushfires hit. Tasmania was clear, cool, and beautiful. But when I returned to Sydney to stay for a week, hoping to enjoy its clear blue sky and beaches before my flight back to Bangkok, I was disappointed to find poor air quality. For the first time I saw the clear and bright blue sky of Sydney turning yellow. The outdoor swimming pools and the natural rock pools by the beaches were no longer like those I used to enjoy. They had become dusty. When I lay down beside the pool and then got up, my body picked up the smoke’s ashes from the ground. On days when the weather and air pollution were tolerable, I continued to visit as many places and engage in as many activities as I could. I told myself that I had done it all and that I was fine to leave Australia and start my life again in Bangkok. Deep in my heart, however, it hit me that nothing was the same. It was time to accept and move on. 

“Moving on” is such a popular phrase among young people when they talk about a past relationship or past stories. Sometimes I want to tell them to pause and stay still, and they’ll move on naturally when they’re ready. Seeing Australia without a clear sky made me realize I don’t have to chase after beautiful things or a clear blue sky. I can be happy right here in Bangkok. When I shared this experience and reflection in December with the Bangkok Sangha, Sister Luong Nghiem, an Australian sister who joined us online from Thai Plum Village, reminded me not to forget to check in with the sky inside my heart: How am I feeling? What is going on in my heart today? 

In early January, I travelled to Penang, Malaysia with a friend. I took a long train ride from Bangkok down to southern Thailand, transferred to a train to cross the border to enter Malaysia, and then took a ferry from the mainland to Penang Island. Apart from the hot weather, I enjoyed the healing energy of the clear bright sky. The white clouds sat so still and close to the horizon, just like in Sydney. I looked at the clouds and the sky in Penang and sent my peaceful energy to my friends in Australia and all the volunteers who helped in the bushfire. I also thought about the air quality in Thailand as we had PM_2.5 pollution again in the city. I thought the best thing I could do in that moment was to breathe in and out mindfully. 

I celebrated the Lunar New Year in Thai Plum Village. In the Plum Village tradition, we have an oracle reading session where we pick a sentence from a famous Vietnamese poem, and the Dharma teachers translate that teaching for us in response to a question we ask from our heart. I said: “I am about to have two job interviews, but it will be very busy and challenging for me. It is something I am good at, but I am afraid I’ll be stressed and restless. I also want to have a long-term relationship and have time to travel the world. Should I take this job?” 

I can’t remember the Vietnamese words, but the English translation was something along the lines of: “You have only one hand, and you want to do a lot. Your career in the world is created by your own hand. Admire the flower awaiting the moon.” My friends in the Sangha giggled at my question and at the answer I received from the poem because it almost answered my question. I got many answers from different Dharma teachers, and they can be summarized as: “Doing nothing doesn’t mean you are not restless. You are confident and have a strong character. You can achieve it if you do it wholeheartedly. You know the practice. You need to use it in order to overcome stress and restlessness. And you should live a simple life, admiring little things around you like the flower looking at the full moon. Use your creativity to create a career and a lifestyle you want.” 

In February, I went through all the job interviews. I met several people from abroad to talk about projects on sustainability, art, and community workshops. However, all the events and exhibitions I was going to work on were cancelled during the development process because of the pandemic. I could no longer travel for work or for leisure. I had to come back to myself, pause, and stay still, just as I secretly wished society would do. This time, the whole world was being pushed to stop. 

Those of us in my Sangha who have the privilege to stop and stay still think of it as having a personal retreat to ourselves. Because I cannot go out freely except to the supermarket, I need to create an oasis while staying at home with my mom. I attend online Sanghas weekly, thanks to various Sanghas in Bangkok, Thai Plum Village in Pakchong, Sydney, Plum Village France, and the Singapore Sangha. We practice, share, and connect strongly via online platforms. I enjoy practicing with many Sanghas, which was not possible before due to my schedule and the traffic congestion in Bangkok. Now, with online Sanghas, I can come together with many friends from afar to offer and receive supportive energy from each other. 

Sister Lien Nghiem, a Thai sister, shared online from Tu Hieu Temple, Vietnam that Thay used to say we should create a virtual Plum Village where people from anywhere in the world could see Plum Village community online and practice together. When Thay said this, Sister Lien Nghiem couldn’t imagine how it would be possible. Now the pandemic has created unexpected conditions for so many Sangha online gatherings, including Day of Mindfulness livestreams from Thai Plum Village and Plum Village France. It was nourishing for me to hear Thay’s wish. In that moment, I felt fully present with myself and with many communities in the world. 

With all that has happened over the past six months, I have learned a valuable lesson from running around to find what I thought would make me happy. I have no excuse to keep wondering and wandering, to not stop and just stay still at home. I have learned how to nurture a space outside and inside my heart for my close family members. When I am solid within, I listen deeply to my father’s suffering due to his health. I listen to my mother when she is anxious. As for my job, I have learned that it is not necessary to feel restless and to doubt my skills and ability. Things are uncertain. Nothing is going to go exactly as I think it will. When the next opportunity comes, I will simply enjoy it and admire the flowers and see the moon along the way. I “Meet” and welcome my mud and my lotus. 

Pusanisa Kamolnoratep (Meet), Fragrant Stream of Inclusiveness, organizes Wake Up retreats for young people and Wake Up group gatherings to practice and do fun things together––like mindful jogging in the park, tea meditation and sharing happiness in the bookshop cafe, and mindful movie days. One activity that connected her with the practice the most was volunteering in juvenile detention houses in Bangkok and Chiangmai, Thailand. She studied for her master’s degree in Sydney, Australia.