Ways to Live with Isolation and Uncertainty

By Judy Nakatomi 

I wrote this piece in April, a few weeks into our sheltering in place in San Diego, California. 

Dear friends experiencing loneliness, anxiety, or fear, 

I am there too, some days. I practice two ways to ease my loneliness and separation from loved ones, my grief for humanity, and the uncertainty of this moment as we reside with the pandemic. May these practices help you or a loved one. 

Practice One: Remembering Ancestors 

I have been thinking about my grandparents and what they lived through as legal and illegal immigrants, coming to a new country, picking pineapples in Hawaii under difficult labor conditions, and later working the land as farmers, gardeners, and merchants. They lived through incarceration, family separation, and a world war, and nurtured a family over generations. In this moment I remember my ancestors, their struggles and triumphs, imperfections and wounds, joys and delights. They survived many conditions that shook them up, reminding me of how we are shaken today. 

With more time for reflection as one of the benefits of sheltering in place, I remember that while I was growing up, we had a family altar and offered our ancestors steamed rice, a red or pink camellia, or perhaps a tree-ripened tangerine or persimmon from the garden. We offered gratitude daily as we put our hands together in gassho and bowed—a practice we continue in our Sanghas. 

I’m calling on all of my ancestors: 

• Blood ancestors, grandparents, great-grandparents, and beyond who lived their lives as immigrants, survivors of war, discrimination, and racism, and survivors of atomic bombs in Japan. 
• Spiritual ancestral teachers—some known, some unknown—who continue to guide and inspire me: Dogen, Basho, Shantideva, Shinran, Gandhi, Maya Angelou, Grace Lee Boggs, Audre Lorde, and Nelson Mandela. 
• Land ancestors, where I find solace in the trees and in my clear memories of bathing in forests of cedar and fir. I am held in their presence, feeling safe, serene, and at home. Each morning as I walk amongst dozens of shades of green leaves and foliage in countless shapes, a visual symphony greets me. I appreciate the grace, strength, and solidity of the mountains and their ranges where I have been lucky enough to walk. And I remember that the Earth is continually healing and repairing herself. 

We are trees, mountains, rivers, minerals, air, fire, and soil, daily welcoming and offering a bow for the experience of feeling supported by our ancestors: blood, land, and spirit. Our altar is an antidote to isolation and anxiety. 

Practice Two: Supporting a Friend 

While sheltering in place, I handwrite one love note a day or contact a friend who might need to hear a caring voice. I write from the heart, composing each sentence as if it were a gift from my precious heart to another’s precious heart. I pause and then address the envelope as a meditation. I offer my precious breath, loving kindness, and compassion, imbuing the envelope and its contents with deep attention, intention, and affection. 

I offer my precious presence by deeply listening to a friend on the phone. I share a poem or song through a voice memo. I listen for a time without interruption or the desire to offer advice. I offer a few minutes of sitting quietly together listening to three breaths deeply, fully, and wholly. I take a chance to show a real and vulnerable part of me. In living with the uncertainty of our pandemic, I practice not knowing when I might be with my loved ones again. Some days, my heart splits open. When I acknowledge feeling shattered, it is easier to express how they have enriched my life. Can I be a good friend in this moment of physical distancing? How can I be more fully present? What is most important to convey to ones I care for so deeply? 

The ancestors are calling me into this moment: 

Wake up, dear one. We have been waiting for you. 

Look at this pandemic as your appointment to remember what is most important.

Judy Nakatomi, True Moon Dwelling, lives in Kumeyaay Territory, Encinitas, California, US. She practices with Sweet Blossoming, MettaMorphisis, and True Inclusivity BIPOC Sanghas.